Be Gentle, Young Grasshopper

Oh, the New Year. It's a time of becoming even more wrapped up in a linear perspective of time, with the past as long gone, the present as quickly fleeting, and the future as a distant mirage. We say goodbye to a year, and all of those old acquaintances as the Auld Lang Syne New Year's song suggests. It's a time of hearty resolutions. A time of hope and promise for the unknown. 

I have so much to be thankful for in 2013. The Universe was certainly good to me, and I was blessed with the most wonderful and sacred birth of Sophia Penelope, a little being who has now become my greatest teacher. And with Sophia turning SIX months in a couple of weeks, I'm reflecting on my time here with her so far. I find it fitting to quote my favourite professor Patrick Slattery. In his article on time, he encourages one to see that Western society views time as a:

“linear series of events to be broken down, isolated, segmented and evaluated for the purpose of creating human progress over time. Thus, history marches forward…The postmodern challenge is to integrate the past and the future into the existential present — or 'presence' as Martin Heidegger writes — allowing the process of becoming, rather than artificial demands of clocks and linear sequences, to dominate our personal and professional lives.”

So what is this existential present? The sacred and empowered here and now, where the past is held dear to us, and the future is delicately created? Whatever one's ruminations over what the existential present may be, I can only hope that I stay in the present moment. I can only hope I let each moment unfold as it will, keeping my mind from worry about the future, as the future is unfolding moment by moment, in the way it best serves. This is my hope, intention, or resolution if you will, for 2014. And it may not surprise you that it was my hope for 2013 as well. Can I say that I let each moment unfold gracefully? Not quite. But I tried. And I have to let go of my "mistakes" and "shortcomings." 

And speaking about efforts...A short while after I wrote "The Cry," a previous high school student of mine contacted me to share her thoughts with me. She wanted to make sure that I knew that I was doing a good job as a mother, because I was so concerned about my failures. She expressed to me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, and in her words, I should be the last person to feel so down on myself in my role as a mother. Her words got me thinking. How did I become my own worst enemy? Was motherhood the onset of me walking the path of being so mercilessly demanding of myself? Who put these high standards and expectations of the role of the mother (and partner) on me? In this time of new motherhood, what I most need is to build a safe haven filled with support and compassion around me; but yet, I criticize myself constantly. So, as much as I want 2014 to be kind to me, I want to be more kind to myself. After all, I want to teach Sophia to operate from a place of ease, of love, of unconditional acceptance, and I have to do the same for myself.

Cheers to 2014, and all the beauty that will come from it.

Love these two...