I wrote this sometime in October:
I've been struggling with something for the last couple of days, trying to get to the bottom of my melancholy.
I don't have any regrets in my life, but I do feel disappointed over something. I didn't videotape Sophia's birth. And when I say videotape, I mean hire a videographer to make a video of all of it. Looking back at how the 18 hours of labour unfolding flawlessly, I feel I did the whole birth injustice by not documenting it. All that's left are a few pictures and the memory of what was the greatest day of my life. I experienced so many emotions, felt the unyielding support of a devoted, selfless partner, rode the wave of my contractions all at home, and then popped out a baby in a tub filled with warm water. I miss it. I miss that day. I feel like going through it again. I chose to trust in my body's ability to birth at home and as naturally as possible, and if I were to do it again and again and again I would not change any of the decisions we made throughout the birthing process.
I'm finding myself feeling saddened by the fact I didn't record this once in a lifetime moment.
